I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
