wanna go halves on a baby?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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