I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
