Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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