I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
