Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think people are normalizing furries
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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