Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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