mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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