This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
