So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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