so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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