I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
