Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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