Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
