mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
