I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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