the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
