please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
