guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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