I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
