I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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