I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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