Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
