So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
