I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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