Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Green mimosas i think yes
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
