I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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