I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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