The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
