I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
