Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
