She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
