Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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