Midget sex pt 2 tonight
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
