tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
