PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize