just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
