i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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