so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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