Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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