dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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