Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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