ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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