So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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