she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i've created a new STD.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have already put on my inside pants.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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