this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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