i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
