If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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