You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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