He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
