we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
