hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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