I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
