Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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