I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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