What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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