Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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