Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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