walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
