I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
