Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
