I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
