Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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