i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
