If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
