My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
